


Start Over

by Salrose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Legends: Thrawn Trilogy - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Jedi attachment issues will be discussed, Mara Jade is a Legend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-28 22:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13280811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salrose/pseuds/Salrose
Summary: Kylo Ren goes with Rey after they defeat the guards. He is not ready to face the Resistance and his Mother so instead they go see an old friend Mara Jade.





	Start Over

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago I was obsessed with the Star Wars books that are now called Legends and fell in love with Mara Jade. If you didn't know in those books she was Luke's wife. I knew it was a long shot and they probably would never bring her on but I always like to think about how she could fit in this world.

The image of a woman standing in white stood before him. The feel of her hand was so real. She wore the white dress and the feeling of unaltered happiness swept through him. They stood in front of an alter. Their hands intertwined with each other and he looked up through her flowly white veil. Ben woke up after having the dream again. It wasn't the first time he had the dream and he didn't think it would be the last. He knew what having the same dream repeatedly meant. His Master Luke taught him what that meant. It meant it was a vision of the Future. This meant that when he grew up he would be married to the girl of his dreams. The thought gave him hope and warmth. It was time for him to tell Master Luke. As he found himself closer to Master Luke's chambers he started to hear yelling and argumentive chatter. He heard movements and sounds of crashing. He put his hand on his training saber readying himself for a fight to protect his uncle.  
The door was cracked open and Ben saw books floating in the air. Then he saw Master Mara Jade in the middle of the whirlwind of all of the different books.  
"Mara they are sacred texts! " Luke yelled.  
"They are just books Luke! You will give up everything that we ever had for books!"  
Mara yelled in a fury. "These books tell us how to train Jedi and how to be a Jedi. That means no attachments."  
"The Jedi fell because these rules are ridiculous!" Mara yelled.  
"No, they fell because of my Father. They fell because he had attachments which is against the Jedi law."  
"Just say what you mean Luke. If you are going to throw everything we had away then just say what you mean."  
"He fell and all of the Jedi were destroyed because my Father fell in love. I can't make the same mistakes as him. I won't do that. This whole new generation of Jedi are counting on me."  
"Then lead them to a better way."  
"I can't just make up the rules as I go along. I have to go by what the texts say."  
"Well I hope you and your precious books are very happy together." she said and she waved her hand causing one of the books to fly and hit Luke on the face.  
She then marched out of the room in a fury. She passed by Ben.  
Ben frowned and he asked, "Are you leaving?"  
She gave him a small sympathetic smile and said, "I am but you can visit me at anytime."  
He nodded and watched as she walked away.

*******  
His heart was racing, he had just defeated Snoke. They had fought off all of the guard by working together. They fought as one like they have been fighting together this whole time. They fought like partners. That was all he wanted from her. After they defeated them she said, "Come on let's go, this way." He looked at her for a long moment. Then suddenly the troops came storming in. Hux marched and gasped at Snoke dead torn in half sitting on the throne. "What happened here? He killed him! He is a traitor!" Hux yelled. Kylo and Rey kept their light sabers up ready to fight. Hux charged at him and Kylo raised his hands up and he began to choke until he passed out on the ground. 

All of the troops marched at them charging their blasters at them. They both blocked the blasters with their light sabers as they ran for cover. Rey took his hand and they headed towards the Millennium Falcon. Kylo hesitated but Rey insisted he go in. He followed her in.Although after all of the chaos was gone he started to question what did he think he was doing? Why did he keep on listening to Rey? Why was he suddenly going along with everything she said?  
He was on this ship, his Father's ship. He hated this ship.  
"The first thing we need to do is find the nearest port and find a different ship."he said on edge.  
"The first thing we need to do is contact your Mother."  
"No, absolutely not. You are not contacting my Mother."  
Suddenly a woman in purple hair appeared on the screen. He recognized her as Amelyn Holdo, she was old friends with his Mother. He immediately disconnected their connection.  
"What are you doing? We need to report. We need to help them."  
He shrugged, "We need to leave. We need to run far away from all of this."  
"We need to stay and fight with them."  
Rey urged. "They don't need our help with Snoke dead the First Order will implode, believe me."  
"We should still stay and fight. Your not going to find redemption by running away."  
He shook his head irratically and asked, "What do you think is going to happen? We help them and then return to them and they will greet me with opened arms? That's not going to happen, not after everything I've done."  
"I know it won't be easy but I will help you." she said as she looked at him with those sincere believing eyes.  
He looked away from her.  
"Fine. We help them and then we find another ship. Deal?"  
"Deal." Rey said with a wide sparkling enthusiastic smile on her face.

Ben sat beside her and was her co-pilot. It was grueling being in this ship with her. Being in this ship made him think of his Father. It brought him unwanted memories of playing in here when he was a kid when his Father and Chewie would work on it. He would be in this chair and help his Dad sometimes. The memories only brought shame and anger.

They manuvered the Millennium Falcon so much to cause a distraction and help the Resistance escape. He and Rey used the Force together to dismantle a lot of their defenses so the pods could escape. The main ship exploded causing a distraction. Ben noticed something. He was able to detect the ships still tracking the pods. He used the ships signal to cause interference. Then he said, "That should buy them some time."  
"Only problem is their shooting at us now." Rey informed him.  
"Get to light speed now!" Ben said.  
"I got this!"  
They braced themselves for light speed.  
"Good we need to find the nearest planet with an active port to find different ship." Ben said desperately.  
"It's a fine ship." Rey retorted.  
His hand was shaking.  
"I can't be on this ship for much longer, Rey. I can't." he urged in an unsteady voice.  
She looked at him with sympathetic eyes.  
"That's a good thing, though, that it bothers you. It is something you need to face and not run away from. If we go back to the island and find Luke he can help you."  
"He tried to kill me."  
"He regrets it. If you just talk to him..."  
"No. I can't."  
Rey pursed her lips and asked aggravated, "Then what can you do? Why come with me if you're just going to run away?"  
"I...I can't think straight in this monstrosity. It...it's too hard."  
Rey gave him a soft look and said, "Then let's find another ship. Let's see where we are."  
Ben looked at the cordinates of where they were. He stared at it for a long moment in recognition.  
"I know this system."  
"Where are we?" Rey asked.  
"This planet here, it's home of an old friend."  
"Are they still friends?"  
"It's been a very long time. She is secluded. There is a chance she still is. The good news if anyone can help us find a ship, it's her."  
"Her? Who is she?" Rey asked suspicious with a hint of jealousy in her voice.  
"She's a smuggler who at one time was in charge of her own smuggling ring. Now she settled down on this planet and runs a run down canteena. She deals with a lot of traders. Her name is Mara Jade."

 

*********

"Mara Jade I heard of her. Her smuggling ship the Jade Fire is Legendary."  
"Yeah. She is a Legend and an old friend. I think she'll help us." Ben said.  
"You think?" Rey questioned on guard.  
"Last time I visited her she had cut herself off from the Force and purposely stayed out of what was going on with the the Resistance."  
Rey's eyes widened, "She was a Jedi?"  
"Was being the operative word. She stopped that life a long time ago. I wouldn't mention it when you meet her."  
She stared at him and asked, "Is this going to be hard seeing her? She seemed to be part of your old life."  
"Yes, but she left it with anger and hate. I always intended to recruit her if I ever needed to."  
It was difficult for Rey to listen to Ben talk about his work with the First Order so casually.  
"And now?"  
"And now we ask for her help."  
"After that?"  
"I can't go back just yet but if you want to return to them..."  
"No. I made you a promise and if you need time. Time is what I will give you." she said as she gave him a smile and then she held his hand.  
She saw the same vision she saw when she first held his hand. It was of him standing in a white tunic holding her hand while she wore a sleek white dress. They stood in front of an alter holding hands until they turned toward eachother face to face with beaming smiles. They both leaned in and kissed and were declared husband and wife.  
She was tempted to let go of his hand from the embarassment of having the vision. She pulled with the Force and tried to hide the vision from him. She saw that his hands were shaking. She knew him getting back to the light would not be easy but she knew it would be worth it. She felt the happiness in that vision. She still believed it was true or at least a possibility that it could come true even with Snoke saying it was all his manipulation. She felt like it was true and Snoke was the one lying. All she knew was that she was going to keep her promise and help Ben find his way back into the Light.

******

They arrived at the canteena. It was run down. There wasn't much activity there. A blue skinned creature sat on the bar stool drinking and there were a few people in a back booth but that was it. The bar tender was washing the table.  
Ben tried feeling Mara with the Force.  
"She isn't anywhere near."  
Then Rey went up to the bar tender and asked, "Do you know if a Mara Jade works here?"  
The gruff man asked, "Whose asking?"  
"We're friends of hers." Rey said.  
He laughed, "I didn't know she had those."  
Kylo eyed him angerly, "Tell us where is she?"  
He pulled his hand up waving it using the Force.  
"She made a scene about a week ago screaming in pain. She said something about an awakening and noone saw her since."  
Kylo let go with the Force and he was about to take his Light Saber out. Then Rey stopped him and put her hand over his and said, "No, Ben. We'll find a way."  
He breathed out frustrated and nodded. They left the canteena.  
"We can find another ship on our own. There is a lodging not far from here where a lot of traders stay.There are smugglers we can take one of their ships."  
"So we are going to take someone's ship by force?" Rey asked with clear judgement in her eyes.  
"Like you never took a ship before as a Scavenger?"  
Ben retorted. "Ben, I don't think that's the right way to get back to the Light."  
"And you would be expert right."  
"Ben, I am trying to help you here."  
He sighed overdramaticly, "I know you are but what did you think was going to happen? That I go with you and everything will turn out fine. That everyone will greet me with opened arms and everyone will forgive me." He yelled.  
"No! It won't be easy. Nothing worth it is ever easy but we can do this. You can be healed. You can go to the Light. I know you can. I saw it." Rey said full of hopeful certianity.  
"What you saw was a trick by Snoke." Kylo retorted.  
"No. I don't believe that. Snoke was full of lies and manipulation. What I saw was our future."  
"Our future?" Ben asked.  
Then she touched his head delicately and closed her eyes. She showed him the vision.  
"This is what you saw and why you are so sure that I will go to the Light."  
"Yes."  
He looked down at her. He stared at her with intensity in his eyes. He cupped her cheek in his palm.  
"That proves nothing. I've seen it before."  
Her eyebrows furrowed.  
"Since I was a child I saw this vision of me marrying a woman I loved. It was blurry for a long time until I met you. When you touched my hand it was clear to me that she was you. She always was you. Part of me always knew."  
Rey looked at him with wide eyes and she said, "Then that proves it. That can be our future."  
"It proved that we can be together it doesn't mean that I will be going to the Light."  
"Of course it does."  
"It could mean that you will go to the Dark Side and we Rule Galaxy together."  
She gawked at him.  
"You don't attend to going to the Light do you?"  
"I came with you. It all happened so fast but if I go back and become a True Jedi Knight of the Light Side then I have to give up on the one thing that I always wanted."  
"What is that?"  
"You. The idea of sharing my life with you. When I had that vision Luke told me it was just a dream. If it was the Force it must be the Darkside trying to seduce me. Having attachments, being in love, being married; that is not the Jedi way."  
Rey gaped at him with her mouth opened.  
"I don't understand."  
"It is Jedi law to not have attachments and to never get married."  
"But how...how are you even born if that's not the Jedi way?"  
"My Mother never became a true Jedi. She chose love and a family. And my Grand Father and Grand Mother their love was forbidden. Luke said this was his downfall. Having attachments and a secret marriage is what led my Grand Father down the Dark Side."  
Rey stared at him letting it sink in.  
She blinked with tears filling her eyes.  
"So Jedi's are supposed to be all alone?" Rey asked devastated.  
"Yes. I never wanted to be all alone. I liked the idea of sharing my life with someone by my side who would be my equal. My parents abandoned me to my uncle and my uncle tried to kill me. I always was being left alone. I ... I don't want to be alone."  
She gazed up into his eyes, "I don't want to be alone either."  
"We won't have to." he said and then he leaned down to her.  
She backed away looking up at him and said, "I don't want to go to the Dark Side."  
"If you become a Jedi we can't..."  
"If being a Jedi means being alone I don't want that either."  
"Then what do you want?" Kylo asked.  
She gazed up into his eyes and barely above a whiper she answered, "You."  
Then she wraped her arms around him, he leaned down, and she kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.


End file.
